I'm still getting to know God's heart and the more I get to know Him the more AWESOME I find out He is. Here's a little story ~ a true story ~ that reveals more of His loving heart through a prayer I prayed this summer….
Background story… David, my sweet husband and I like to give the Lord control over many of the big stuff in life. For example, even our meeting, courting, marriage, was a "set-up" from God. David didn't pick me, and I didn't pick him. Anyway, that's ANOTHER story that I will someday share. We also like the Lord to decide on His timing of when we have children. We have prayed things like "Bless us with children ~ according to your will OR in your timing, Lord". I often tell David, "I have a feeling the Lord will bless us with kids someday", and he says "me too". :o)
At least two people I can remember asked me if I ever prayed for children. I thought about that, and thought "oh yes, but never in a begging type of way". I thought about the feeling in my heart. I thought, "If I truly ask God, with all my heart, to bless me with a child, and He said 'No', I think my heart would hurt too much". Plus I always want His will, not mine. He knows best and ultimately He is in control.
So here is what happened: This summer I had a feeling ~ due to several things that were happening around me from the Holy Spirit~ that God wanted me to ask for a child, yes, EVEN beg. I was so excited! I thought maybe His plan for me is to get pregnant soon, and He is waiting for me to truly ask. So before I went to bed, I kneeled on the hard bathroom floor and asked God, even begged to the point of tears, for a child. I cried, and I went to bed so peaceful.
The next morning I heard from the Lord. In my quiet time, the Lord whispered to my heart and mind very clearly, "Would you give up having a child if you could reach more people for My Kingdom?" His answer was so sweet! How tender His heart is~ He gave me the choice to say "yes or no". Then, my heart didn't have to ache. Praise the Lord He speaks to His children, through His Word and through His Holy Spirit! I love that He didn't give me a "yes or no" answer. Actually, I wasn't thinking He would speak to me necessarily, I just thought I would get pregnant within a month or so. But, Wow, He spoke soon, and I loved His response.
I answered "Yes" as tears streamed down my cheeks. (Also in tears as I type this). I was in awe of His voice and His tender love for me. I could have said "no” and with a child, I could still reach people for God's Kingdom. As we know there are many moms and dads who work for God's Kingdom. But because I love God more than anything, I want to say "Yes" to Him to anything He wants me to do. I want the Lord to use me in ANY way to help people know of His unfailing love. Since I said “Yes”, He has given me a strong desire to write again. Also He is answering my prayers for writing and women’s ministry in greater ways than I could have even thought of.
If you happen to be reading this and you have a child or children, praise GOD! His Word says "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him" (Psalm 127:3). I LOVE that verse! I love true miraculous stories of women who have had children way past normal child-bearing years, like Sarah and Elizabeth. Praise God for stories that give people hope. And praise the Lord that the ultimate hope, Jesus Christ, is available to anybody who calls on Him~ no matter your age, no matter what you have done.
If you are reading this and you have a dream or prayer that you are praying, and you are not receiving, it's possible the Lord has a different plan OR that it's not His timing. What I have discovered in my walk with Christ, is that when I desire God more than ANYTHING, He is already everything I need. I often say that if we can see things through His eyes, we would be thanking Him a lot more often, and even for the things in life that are difficult. I LOVE His promise to us in Roman 8:28, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose."
I want to say “Yes” to God’s plans for me, even if that means giving up my plans and dreams. Here's one of the greatest prayers of surrender, especially when you mean it with all your heart, “God, not my will but Your will be done”. Are you willing to surrender and say “Yes” to everything God calls you to do? My prayer for you is that you do. His plans for you are far better than anything you could ever dream or imagine.